Chinese Truths

In light of all of the horrific hurt happening in the world right now, I feel it’s important that I distract us all and speak some truth real quick…



Let’s just talk about the fact that my local delivery place has a $10 minimum – which is 1. Complete shit for single people because really? I just want some $4 egg drop soup and I have no one and 2. Not healthy because I end up ordering triple so I can pretend I have someone in my life to eat rice out of a box with.

However, I understand the need for a minimum so while I’m bitter, I’ll move on… But wait, let’s not hop too far away because 80% of the stuff I want to order from 888 Chinese Restaurant is like $9.95. Ain’t that some shit??

I don’t think there’s anyone that can honestly tell me that 888 Chinese Restaurant wasn’t a little bit strategic with that one.

So here I lay – on my couch, surrounded by pork dumplings, rice and garlic chicken wondering where I went wrong in life BUT also, what I did to deserve so much NOM.


Listen ladies, (and lonely men if you’re reading this) don’t let the Chinese takeout industry get you down. Order the food, spend the unnecessary $20 and live your life.



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