Communal Workspaces Suck

Good Morning Friends.

I’m writing this whilst sitting at my desk enjoying the peace and quiet that comes from arriving at work 30 minutes before everyone else because sometimes in the morning, I just don’t care for human interaction. Don’t get me wrong, most days I don’t care for human interaction, but sometimes it’s especially in the morning.

This blog goes out to all my fellow hustlas who once called a tiny, warm, delightful office home; but left that tiny, delightful home because the actual business was a complete hellhole, relinquishing that dear safe space to move on to a “better opportunity.”

Unfortunately for me, the “better opportunity” means that I share my workspace with 3 grown men and an intern. These grown men, I’ve decided, are not actually grown but are  small children stacked on top of one another pretending to be grown ups. *Think Little Rascals Style*

The intern, I like.

Trying+to+buy+energy+drinks+before+13+because+i+couldnt_fb1926_5247187.jpg

Thanks to my darling new coworkers, I have a TON of excellent blog topics so I thought I’d start today with a list.

If you happen to find yourself working in close proximity with others, follow this list of DO NOT’s so that you don’t find yourself with a staple in your eye.

When Working Along Side Others, DO NOT:

  1. Stomp your feet in rhythm with the shitty music you’re listening to in your headphones
  2. Make sexual references every time your coworker describes a fitness device to a customer on the phone
  3. Make farting noises so often that you no longer realize you’re making them
  4. Eat louder than max volume level of headphones
  5. Eat 3 bags of chips every morning while referring to them as your “morning munchies” OR “morning crunchies”
  6. Repeatedly stop your coworker from working to show them hipster, liberal memes
  7. Watch video clips at full volume while your coworker is on the phone
  8. Make farting noises with a MACHINE (technically your mouth would be unacceptable as well) while your coworker is on the phone
  9. Repeatedly bring up politics solely because you know your coworker disagrees with you – can we all just agree that politics and religion are OFF LIMITS, PEOPLE
  10. Watch videos of animals giving birth at full volume just to watch your coworkers gag (Especially Giraffes)

I’ve followed this list of rules closely for many years and so far my coworkers are pretty pleased with me. I can also confidently say that I’m not a pain in the ass to work with, I believe this is why.

BOSSES:
Communal workspaces are cool, sure. You collaborate often, you save on space because you’re packed in like a sweatshop in Chinatown, and everyone is in one place so you can distribute messages easily. But try and keep an eye on those chip eating barbarians distracting everyone from their tasks.

Just a quick little snippet from my grumpy grumblings this morning,

Bless.

SG

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